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Dead On The Inside

from Reflection by C.S.

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about

I express my struggles with depression and my previous suicide attempts. I've come a long way since then.

lyrics

Intro:

Still Here (echoing)

Verse 1:

The pain ate away at me
I felt hollow as can be
Depression growing inside
Killing me in stride
I ask, "what the fuck is happening to me?"
I couldn't take it any more, I wanted the pain to end
Sick mentally as can be
Death for me was likely
I made that decision to grow some pills
Taking them one at a time
Waiting for my heart to stop
Then, something happened
I choked and spit them out
If I hadn't choked, maybe I wouldn't be rapping on this track right now

Chorus:

I felt dead on the inside
I didn't know if I was gonna live or die
It was scary as hell
I almost bid farewell
I'm still here, don't know how
I guess my will is strong as hell
Overcome this shit I did (echoing)

Verse 2:

When the pills didn't work I thought about what to do next
I went in to the kitchen, took out a knife
Was ready to cut away my life
I put the blade at my wrist
Hoping by the end, I wouldn't exist
But then, something happened
I dropped the knife
It fell to the floor, when it did I cried hard
I couldn't do it, I hadn't drawn my death card
Several weeks later I finally decided to get help
I didn't want to feel that way any more
Was sick of the pain I was going through
So here I am, I made the ultimate breakthrough (echoing)

Chorus:

I felt dead on the inside
I didn't know if I was gonna live or die
It was scary as hell
I almost bid farewell
I'm still here, don't know how

I felt dead on the inside
I didn't know if I was gonna live or die
It was scary as hell
I almost bid farewell
I'm still here, I made the ultimate breakthrough

credits

from Reflection, released December 4, 2013
Written by Cody Springer
Produced by Patrick Fox

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about

C.S. Van Wert, Ohio

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